Man, when did buying Barbie dolls become stressful? I had to go shopping for two of my cousins, five and three, and I decided to get them Barbies. My reasoning behind this was, “Hey. They play with Barbies. I played with Barbies. Easy.”
I was very, very wrong.
There are, rough estimate, about a million different kinds of Barbies. Did you know Tim Gunn has a line of Barbies? Oh yeah. Barbies dressed in Tim Gunn-designed clothes. That’s a thing. She’s also a pop star princess and a hula dancer and Katniss Everdeen and the president and a fairy and gymnast and Hair-tastic and So In Style and she has new friends and I think a new little sister and Skipper’s a brunette now and I may have almost had a panic attack in the middle of Target while shopping. I called my mom, and practically yelled in the middle of the Barbie section, “I don’t know what I’m doing! Barbie doesn’t even look like Barbie anymore!”
Honestly, I was this close to curling in a fetal position around a Tim Gunn Barbie, next to a Dream House, sobbing about how I couldn’t make it work.
I just keep hearing Grandpa Simpson in my head: “I used to be with it, but then they changed what “it” was. Now, what I’m with isn’t it, and what’s “it” seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you.”
And sooner than you think.